Barbara Small

How to Prevent Your Self-Talk From Interfering With Your Conversations

Many of the conflicts and misunderstandings that occur between individuals and groups could be eliminated if all of us learned good communications skills. These skills include being present during each interaction, staying in the here-and-now and not gett... Read >

How Changing Your Beliefs Can Help You Become More Assertive

Have you always wanted to become more assertive - to speak up for yourself, express your feelings freely, say no when you want to and stop being a people-pleaser? If so, what has prevented you from doing so? One obstacle many people have to behaving a... Read >

Twelve Signs You Are Not Listening

It is difficult to listen to the chatter of our self-talk in our head and effectively listen to someone else at the same time. If we are concentrating on other things, re-playing past conversations, rehearsing what we are going to say next, getting defens... Read >

Ten Signs That You Are Not Being Assertive

1. You never get to eat at the restaurants that you like. 2. You have joined yet another committee that you don't have time to attend. 3. Once again the holiday dinner is at your house, when every year you vow that you would never host it again. ... Read >

Effective Communication Skills: Sending Your Message

"I know you think you understand what I said. But I don't think you understand that what I said is not what I meant." Effective communication is key to getting our messages across to others both at work and in our personal relationships. It maximizes t... Read >

Effective Communication Skills: Active Listening

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Active listening is the ability to capture and understand the messages that others are communicating whether these messages are transmitted verbally or nonverbally, clearly or vaguely. It is not simply... Read >

Stress Less: 15 Practical Stress Management Tips

1. Get adequate rest. Adequate sleep is essential for physical and mental health. When working on long projects or with heavy concentration take short breaks every hour or two. 2. Use deep and slow breathing. One easy way to release tension is to tak... Read >

Positive Thinking: Why Those New Positive Thoughts Feel Fake

When you start to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones, you may not initially believe these new thoughts. They may feel fake. Clients have told me that thinking these new thoughts or positive affirmations cause them to feel embarrassed, uncom... Read >

Assertive Communication: 10 Tips for Expressing Yourself Assertively

1. Think before you speak. The first step is to be clear within yourself as to what you want to say. 2. Communicate your needs without excuses or disclaimers at the beginning, such as "well, this may not really be important" or "I may be making a big d... Read >

Positive Thinking: 28 Ideas for Keeping Your Positive Energy Flowing

Remember that your thoughts create your destiny. Recognize your own power to create your life. Stop worrying. Often by worrying we feel like we are "doing" something about a problem when we aren't. When we worry we are in the past or in the future. B... Read >

Self-talk: What Is It and How Does It Affect Your Life?

Our thoughts create our reality. They influence our feelings and perceptions about what's going on in our lives. They determine what we notice in the world around us and what we attract into our lives. By expecting the negative, we filter our experien... Read >

Self-talk: We Don’t Have Control Over Events, But We Do Have Control Over Our Thoughts

We have little control over the events that happen around us and over other people's actions. What we do have control over is our response to these events. Just as we can talk ourselves into being angry, we can talk ourselves down from being angry. We can... Read >

Are You Assertive? Understanding the Four Styles of Communication

People's behavior can be divided into four categories -- assertive, passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive. Living an assertive life means taking an active and responsible approach to others and to your life. Individuals who interact passively seldom ... Read >

Becoming More Assertive: 13 Stepping Stones Along Your Path to Assertiveness

1. Begin being assertive in low risk situations first. For some people it is easier to try being assertive with a family member. For others it is easier with the clerk at the grocery store. 2. Practice makes perfect. Don't expect immediate success in e... Read >